rejected

Everyone can relate to the feeling of being rejected by someone they cared about, whether it was by their parents, siblings, significant other, or even children. 

 

This feeling can be devastating, and it makes us feel like we don’t matter to anyone. My story goes back to when I was a child living in Indonesia who suffered from epilepsy. 

 

My father rejected me because he didn’t know how to deal with my illness, which caused him to emotionally detach himself from me.

My Life As A Child

My childhood was spent like a normal child’s would be. 

 

I went to school, played with friends and even had a crush on one of them. In fact, when I was 13 years old he asked me out. 

 

It wasn’t until my fourteenth birthday that I started having seizures. 

 

They were mild at first; I would get tunnel vision and then look down where there was a spinning sensation in front of me.

 

I thought it was just a migraine or something so I didn’t tell anyone about it. However, they got worse as time went on and soon I couldn’t go anywhere without someone knowing what to do if I had another seizure. After many trips to doctors and hospitals, we finally found out what it was: epilepsy. 

 

This diagnosis came with many side effects such as mood swings, fatigue and more seizures than before. The worst part was telling my dad because I knew how much he hated anything medical. 

 

He told me that if I ever had another seizure while around him, he wouldn’t want anything to do with me anymore. So for most of my life, I stayed away from him unless absolutely necessary. 

 

Even though things have changed now, his words still hurt after all these years. But I know that no matter what happens, God is always there for me. And no matter how hard things are going, He never leaves us alone.

Humiliation From Friends

Many people live in fear of being humiliated by their friends. The Sudden onset of epilepsy causes me to worry about the negative reaction from my peers if I have a grand Mal seizure in public or another embarrassing episode. 

 

It’s common to feel like others do see me as less of a person because of my condition—but the fact is that most people are more empathetic than I realize and would never treat me differently just because they know I have epilepsy. 

 

If I start having seizures in front of my friends, without being honest with them about what’s going on; they will distance themselves from me for days/weeks or even months, and this severely gave me low self esteem. 

Getting A Scholarship Despite The Epilepsy I Had

It was hard for me to believe that I was given a scholarship. 

 

I had given up hope of going to college because the opportunity seemed so distant and unattainable. I had given up the idea of having a career that would lead me to a life of self-fulfillment. However, despite all my struggles and challenges, someone still believed in me—and gave me the opportunity to chase after my dreams.

 

Then my hope began to rise again, and I began to see a brighter future ahead of me.

How I Live My Life After The Rejection

This was when I knew how it feels to be rejected. 

 

It hurts. I felt a lonely feeling and sinking sensation in my stomach.  

 

I felt like a failure and that no one cared about me. My dad didn’t want me around him anymore because he said I might hurt him.

 

That is why I believe in God now more than ever before. If it weren’t for Him who knows where I would be right now. 

 

Maybe dead on a street somewhere with no one knowing who I am or what happened to me. Or maybe I would have been in jail because of all those things they say people with epilepsy do.

 

But God had other plans for me. He made sure I was OK even though my family turned their backs on me. 

 

He gave me friends who accepted me just as I am, even though they didn’t know what epilepsy was at first and were scared of it. He gave me teachers who helped guide me through life and showed compassion towards others instead of pushing them away because they are different from you. 

 

And finally, he gave me an amazing boyfriend who loves me unconditionally and has never left my side no matter what happens. Without God I wouldn’t be here today. Because of his love for us we can live our lives happily without being afraid of rejection or being alone because we will always have someone there to help us along if we ask him to.

How My Father Found Me After The Rejection

A few years after I went to treatment for epilepsy I was at work and out of nowhere I got a phone call from my dad. He wanted to know how I was doing, how I felt about college and what my plans were. 

 

The whole time thinking nothing of it because we hadn’t spoken in so long. And then he said, Well if you ever want to visit me in Brazil let me know! I just froze. 

 

My heart dropped. My jaw dropped and I couldn’t believe that he would even say something like that to me. 

 

But as soon as I got off of work I called him back and asked him why he had told me that? What was going on? Why did he care now? His response was simple, I am sorry that I haven’t been there for you all these years. You have grown into such an amazing young woman and I regret not being there when you needed me most. 

 

At first I didn’t think anything of it. I thought maybe he was saying things that he didn’t mean or maybe he really did miss me and actually cared about me for once.

 

 Then one day while watching TV with my mom she came up to me and told me that she thought my dad had cancer…and I instantly knew exactly what she meant. 

 

I could tell by her face that it wasn’t good news. So I decided to give him a call and see what was going on. When he answered his voice sounded different than usual; more hoarse than usual. 

 

So I immediately asked him what was wrong, is everything okay? Is everything alright? He started telling me about how he had found a lump in his neck and that they were going to do some tests. Now I have never heard my dad cry before so when he started crying over the phone talking to me I knew that it was bad news. 

 

After hanging up with him I sat down on my bed next to my mom and put my head in her lap as she rubbed my hair trying to comfort me. 

 

As I looked up at her she had tears streaming down her face and I knew that something was terribly wrong. We both cried together for hours until finally my sister walked in and told us that our dad had passed away due to throat cancer.

 

Shortly after that. I was flown abroad for the treatment of my epilepsy, and I’m glad it’s a success.

 

I’m now a happy person, living without epilepsy.

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